Working woman or Housewife ???
After placements, i have been attending quite a lot of marraiges ( thanks to relatively free schedule this trimester and the marraige season which is currently going on ). Watching my friends with their wifes ( bhabhijis) , i always try to visualise how would my wife would or should be ???
i know i still have quite a lot of time (atleast 2 more years) but somehow i have started thinking about it (courtesy mamijis, bhabhijis, didis and my friend circle who contantly keep prodding me on the same topic)..Infact i have already done a research on the same starting from my family members as their point of view has a very heavy weightage :)
About Myself, I belong to a business family and have been the lucky chap in the matter of studies and qualification obtained among my whole set of relatives both paternal and maternal..most of them have to sacrifice their studies in the middle of their career..But my family and my mamaji always supported me in continuing my studies.. also my younger brother who was very much interested in my father business did not let my absence felt to my father.. I love my brother alot.. he is very cute :)
My mother whom i admire more than anybody in this world was the first target of my research. i have seen her all through my life and to tell you, i consider my father the most luckiest person in the world to have a wife like her. she has been my role model right from my childhood. she is very understanding, very caring, good at her work... somebody on whom one can bank upon for advice.
I had a good number of memorable moments with her.. i was just pondering that would i got the same amount of caring, if my mom would have been working??
A working woman would be having her own career aspirations, her own set of responsibilties and things like that. But for a housewife, life starts and ends with her husband, children, her own family !!!
I was just thinking that how good it will be feeling if u come to know that for someone, you are everything. when you will come back from office , you will get the proper attention and care that u aspire for. your children will be given proper personal care and attention, which is very essential for them...which will actually make the bond between the parents and the children more stroger.. i was just looking at an episode where the daughter was put in a boarding school very early as both the parents were very busy making their career. Now the daughter grows up, she could hardly feel that bonding and love for her parents.. she infact says that to her parents that " you were not there when i needed you the most.. How can you expect me to have feelings for you ".
With a working woman, u actually have to make a lot of compromises.. take it food, household work, child care..I was thinking that i will be making more money than what my father is making ( i mean to say is that money will never be going to be a problem,thanks to GOD for that ).. then why should i compromise?? why should i marry a girl who is very career conscious and want to make a mark of herself.will she be able devote as much time for me and my kids as a housewife can ? Never !!!
The Picture till now reflects that Housewife scores a lot over working woman...
Now let us see the other side of the picture. till now i was thinking from my point of view and not from hers..
Consider the scenario, i am posted in a Metro and have working hours from 8 am - 7 pm ( it is definitely going to extend courtesy the big salaries :)) so i was thinking what will a housewife do all this time?? ok ghar main thoda bahut kaam hota hai par still there will be enuugh time with nothing to do. probably TV will become her best friend but how much time.. after some point of time, she is get bored of this routine. she would be having 100 things to talk to me which she would have thought all throughout the day.. and it may happen that i have a bad day and i am not interested to listen her talks which she is very interested to tell me. for me, there are many things in life to think about ( my job, career , office friends...)but for her i am the only person and if at all she is not getting the duo recognition, attention and love from me, then it will sadden her which will definitely affect the relationship.
Now replace her with a working woman, she will be also having somewhat the same working hours so no point of getting bored in the home alone..secondly, now she will be having her own set of friends, job responsiblites..so for her, there will be lot of other things in mind other than me.. Again being a working woman, she would able to appreciate me and my job responsibities far better as she herself will be undergoing the same..
So, apart from double income, both of us will be more independent and more happy than in the case of her being a housewife.
Again i have heard from my friends whose both parents are working that the scenario is not that bleak in the case of working woman as i have painted in the early part of my blog.. The most important thing in such cases is that there has to be good amount of understanding between the two.
i always thought about why at all arranged marraiges are more successful than love marraiges . In love marraiges there are better chances of one understanding the other person and making a informed and well thought out choice..what i have figured out is that in most of the arranged marraiges, the woman is not financially independent and hence has to make a lot of compromises.. i have seen my didis, mamijis, bhabhijis doing the same and there will be many like them...
i sometime feel sorry about their situation.. why is that, they have to make most of the compromises? have they done any crime to be a female ?
i always believe in equality, be it any relationship. Kissi ka dil nahin dukhna chahiye.
Now coming back to the topic, what i can say is that what i have thought about it. i will prefer a working woman :) i always feared that my family may not accept this that but to my surprise i have actually got positive statements regarding that..
But yes, i will ensure that my kids does not suffer becoz of our career aspirations.They should get the proper care, attention, nourishment and advice that they need.I know that it is possible with a working woman and for all this there has to be good understanding among us and i know it will be :)
AMEN :D
i know i still have quite a lot of time (atleast 2 more years) but somehow i have started thinking about it (courtesy mamijis, bhabhijis, didis and my friend circle who contantly keep prodding me on the same topic)..Infact i have already done a research on the same starting from my family members as their point of view has a very heavy weightage :)
About Myself, I belong to a business family and have been the lucky chap in the matter of studies and qualification obtained among my whole set of relatives both paternal and maternal..most of them have to sacrifice their studies in the middle of their career..But my family and my mamaji always supported me in continuing my studies.. also my younger brother who was very much interested in my father business did not let my absence felt to my father.. I love my brother alot.. he is very cute :)
My mother whom i admire more than anybody in this world was the first target of my research. i have seen her all through my life and to tell you, i consider my father the most luckiest person in the world to have a wife like her. she has been my role model right from my childhood. she is very understanding, very caring, good at her work... somebody on whom one can bank upon for advice.
I had a good number of memorable moments with her.. i was just pondering that would i got the same amount of caring, if my mom would have been working??
A working woman would be having her own career aspirations, her own set of responsibilties and things like that. But for a housewife, life starts and ends with her husband, children, her own family !!!
I was just thinking that how good it will be feeling if u come to know that for someone, you are everything. when you will come back from office , you will get the proper attention and care that u aspire for. your children will be given proper personal care and attention, which is very essential for them...which will actually make the bond between the parents and the children more stroger.. i was just looking at an episode where the daughter was put in a boarding school very early as both the parents were very busy making their career. Now the daughter grows up, she could hardly feel that bonding and love for her parents.. she infact says that to her parents that " you were not there when i needed you the most.. How can you expect me to have feelings for you ".
With a working woman, u actually have to make a lot of compromises.. take it food, household work, child care..I was thinking that i will be making more money than what my father is making ( i mean to say is that money will never be going to be a problem,thanks to GOD for that ).. then why should i compromise?? why should i marry a girl who is very career conscious and want to make a mark of herself.will she be able devote as much time for me and my kids as a housewife can ? Never !!!
The Picture till now reflects that Housewife scores a lot over working woman...
Now let us see the other side of the picture. till now i was thinking from my point of view and not from hers..
Consider the scenario, i am posted in a Metro and have working hours from 8 am - 7 pm ( it is definitely going to extend courtesy the big salaries :)) so i was thinking what will a housewife do all this time?? ok ghar main thoda bahut kaam hota hai par still there will be enuugh time with nothing to do. probably TV will become her best friend but how much time.. after some point of time, she is get bored of this routine. she would be having 100 things to talk to me which she would have thought all throughout the day.. and it may happen that i have a bad day and i am not interested to listen her talks which she is very interested to tell me. for me, there are many things in life to think about ( my job, career , office friends...)but for her i am the only person and if at all she is not getting the duo recognition, attention and love from me, then it will sadden her which will definitely affect the relationship.
Now replace her with a working woman, she will be also having somewhat the same working hours so no point of getting bored in the home alone..secondly, now she will be having her own set of friends, job responsiblites..so for her, there will be lot of other things in mind other than me.. Again being a working woman, she would able to appreciate me and my job responsibities far better as she herself will be undergoing the same..
So, apart from double income, both of us will be more independent and more happy than in the case of her being a housewife.
Again i have heard from my friends whose both parents are working that the scenario is not that bleak in the case of working woman as i have painted in the early part of my blog.. The most important thing in such cases is that there has to be good amount of understanding between the two.
i always thought about why at all arranged marraiges are more successful than love marraiges . In love marraiges there are better chances of one understanding the other person and making a informed and well thought out choice..what i have figured out is that in most of the arranged marraiges, the woman is not financially independent and hence has to make a lot of compromises.. i have seen my didis, mamijis, bhabhijis doing the same and there will be many like them...
i sometime feel sorry about their situation.. why is that, they have to make most of the compromises? have they done any crime to be a female ?
i always believe in equality, be it any relationship. Kissi ka dil nahin dukhna chahiye.
Now coming back to the topic, what i can say is that what i have thought about it. i will prefer a working woman :) i always feared that my family may not accept this that but to my surprise i have actually got positive statements regarding that..
But yes, i will ensure that my kids does not suffer becoz of our career aspirations.They should get the proper care, attention, nourishment and advice that they need.I know that it is possible with a working woman and for all this there has to be good understanding among us and i know it will be :)
AMEN :D
posted by Anand Jalan | 2/06/2006 04:39:00 AM
13 Comments:
Asik here Jalan ji..aapto shaadi vaadi ke bare me sochne lage? n dont worry.. if u do marry a working woman..make sure shes from HR.. both of u wont need to stay for long at office.. 6 PM n u will be home..isliye jyada chinta mat karo..n make sure u invite me.. (-:
Kya Jalan Bhai, Pehle "Love is blind" , now :Working woman or housewife"... hummm.. seems somebody is seriously looking for a partner... neways, aap jaisi bhi Bhabhi Laye humare liye (working or housewife).. bas humein shaadi pe bulana mat bhooliyega.... :P
Jalan, I second Asik's opinion...HR waalon jaisi aur kisi ki masti nahin hoti and hope so for you too...you'll see when you join here...
Ajay
Things i learnt:
1. You brother is cute
2. You target your family for your research
3. You don't want get your child to be spoilt
What i can extrapolate:
1. You are heading for love marraige
2. You will have working lady as your wife.
Now i would like to say that seeing the alumni survey results for our batch, I can see where this whole talk is heading. Are you preparing a batting pitch for yourself so that you can score merrily on it no matter who bowls on it??
jalan
i think your opninion about housewives is really derogatory. you can marry anybody u feel like but why on a blog which is public and is open to all u r malignng the housewives.
Hello frnds, i have just portrayed 2 or 3 of the many situations that may arise.. that too from what litte experiences of mine and the research i did..so it may happen that my findings may be totally wrong..but this is what i have percieved as of now..I dont think i have written anything derogatory and how can i ? my mother who is an housewife is my role model and the woman i will be going to marry probably will be working woman..
i have just tried to say what suits me more taking into consideration my situations, conditions, constraints.. it may happen that my choice does not suits urs situation.
Happy reading :)
Jalan Bhai shaadi ki itni chinta mat karo .
Rab Da Jogi
Thanks for this article. I have an assignmet about working woman or housewife, and i dont have anough time for to write it :)) I'll use your essay as my assignmet :-D
thanks again ;)
Jalan ji.. As you told you will give attention as well towards your kids I think that can not be possible with a working wife. You just imagine both of you will return home at 8 clock in the night how you can make sure taking care of kids. I have seen two cases either your parents has to help for few years or your wife has to take break in between untill your kids not started going school .You have to choose one between 2. Otherwise it is not easy as you mentioned.
Thank you for the work you have done into the post, this helps clear away a few questions I had.
Shadi hogai kya jalan bhai??
haan hogi gayi sirji..abtoh bache bhi ho gaye :p And with a working woman :)
Dear Jalan,
I would really appreciate if you could spare some time and share with us your post-marriage comments as well in the form of an article.
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